


When It's You

by Davechicken



Series: The Grey Bird [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Demisexuality, Grey-A, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 14:02:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6472906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe hasn't really done the dating thing before. Then along comes Kylo Ren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When It's You

Poe hasn’t had that many significant others, over the years. To begin with, he felt like he was too young to do anything serious. There’d been awkward hand-holding when younger, some kisses around dances. Poe wasn’t sure if maybe he was doing it wrong, because he didn’t really get why they were supposed to be fun. There was a lot of weird angling of faces, and then you could either smush your lips together, or do that thing with your tongue. The first time he tried to do the thing with his tongue, the girl jumped back and wiped her hand on her mouth. The next time, a boy did it to him. It still felt weird. He didn’t really get it.

Later, he kind of just got used to it, but mostly he avoided them whenever he could. He never got those butterflies he was supposed to, but it was okay when it wasn’t tongue-kissing. Odd, but tolerable.

When he was training to fly for the Republic, he’d had to put up with the jokes about him being sexually promiscuous. He’d smiled politely at them, but they kind of wore him down a little inside. He gently corrected them that he was busy, too busy, and maybe later. He likely could have made time for it, and he did sometimes go to the bar at night, but he just… didn’t really see the appeal. 

It wasn’t as if he didn’t have a libido. He did. He woke up with erections probably about as often as other people did (he never asked), and he could definitely masturbate to orgasm. So it worked. He even tried to visualise people, but that was hit or miss about if it worked or not. Sometimes he just imagined the hand was his lover, who he knew in the fantasy, though he didn’t in reality. He thought about how much he trusted them to blindfold him so he didn’t see their face, and he’d come with his eyes shut and his chest heaving. 

The relationships he’d tried out - mostly out of curiosity - had just kind of… fizzled to nothing. He didn’t know why. He’d been the perfect gentleman, or so he thought. He’d been kind, polite, and engaging. One time, he’d asked why, and they’d said it was like dating their brother, or best friend. There was no chemistry, they’d said, and he couldn’t argue with that.

So he’d sort of… stopped. He had plenty of friends: close friends. He had his squad. It wasn’t as if he lacked for company, and no one ever made him feel like a spare wheel for long at parties. He would normally find someone to talk to, and he’d have fun, and he thought they did, too… he just didn’t take them back, and to his bed.

But then came Kylo. Back, under a cloud. A boy he’d known, but he didn’t know him any more. He’d done some last-minute heel-face-turn, saved Rey, helped kill Snoke… and then come home. 

And sort of - kind of - vanished. Into his mother’s house. Like some inky blob in the water. Like something too dense to dissolve, but hidden in the fronds of a deep coral. 

Poe knew Rey pretty well, by then. She’s still here, and so is Finn. So he asked her what happened, and she told him. And he trusted her, because she’s a good person. He trusted her when she said she believed it, believed he helped them for the right reasons. Or close enough. He believed her when she said she’d not forgotten what he did, but she was… okay with it.

Of course, a lowly X-Wing pilot didn’t get to see the great moral, ethical, metaphysical battles up close and personal. He flew, he pointed, and he shot. He was good at that, but he knew his limits. Cockpit. Range of weapons. So he couldn’t judge on the Force stuff, but he knew a good person when he saw one. He went to visit, and he dragged Kylo Ren out of his shell.

Piece by piece.

Poe hadn’t realised they were dating, to begin with. He’d just sort of thought they were being friends, because he wasn’t going into it with any other motivation. He just saw a lonely man, someone he used to know, someone who was trying to be better, and he’d wanted to help him. 

And Kylo turns out to be really very intelligent, and charming, sort of. Or Poe finds him charming. He has a subtle, low humour that Poe appreciates. He is very smart, and if you get him talking about a topic, he would discuss it until the place you were eating in shoved you out onto the streets. And then he’d go with you to the park to continue the discussion.

Poe really likes his company.

Some days Kylo is less happy. Like, he’s feeling low, but Poe doesn’t mind. People feel low. He tries harder on those days to make him laugh, and if that doesn’t work, then they either just chill or talk about things. Sometimes Kylo has a temper, but Poe knows about tempers. Kylo never directs it on people, he usually directs it inward. Poe once saw him stalk off to an alleyway to carve a garbage can up. 

He’s just a guy, like lots of other guys. Or girls. Sure, he can float your droid above your head, or work out what you wanna order when you go for a meal, but it’s not like he abuses those things around Poe. Most of the time, he forgets he even has the Force. They catch movies, watch speederbike races, everything. And it’s awesome.

And then one day, Kylo kisses him.

And Poe _so_ wasn’t expecting it, but when he looks up in confusion, Kylo is watching his face.

“…was that a mistake?” the younger man asks.  


“Uh… I… didn’t know you felt like that?”  


Kylo laughs. “I wasn’t obvious enough?”

“Apparently not,” Poe admits. “Sorry. I don’t… I mean. I don’t date, much.”  


“I misinterpreted the signs. I’m sorry. I won’t–”  


“You can do it again,” Poe offers. Because it did feel good, after the weird was over. “I mean. If you want to. But if you don’t, that’s cool, too.”  


Kylo’s smile is warm when he leans back in. Poe lets him lead, because he clearly knows more than he does, and the way he kisses makes Poe wonder if the other people were just idiots, or maybe he didn’t feel anything because he didn’t really want them to do it? He’s not sure. Kylo starts with a run from one side of his mouth to the other, their lips dragging over one another, and then - cupping his chin - something bizarre with both their mouths together until Poe feels a warm, soft, wet push into his face. 

It does still feel weird, but this time it also feels sort of itchy-good. He likes it, and when it finishes he’s dizzy with it.

“Still liked it?” Kylo asks.  


“Yep,” Poe agrees, with a happy smile. “You’re good at that.”  


“You’re just too wonderful _not_ to want to do that to you.” The hand from his chin goes into his hair, and he’s pulled in to cuddle against Kylo’s side.   


He likes that, as well.

***

Poe isn’t quite sure how a relationship snuck up on him, but it did. He wonders if other people do this and, one day, he asks Snap.

“Uhm… you didn’t realise you were dating?”  


“Clearly not, Snap.”  


“Pretty much everyone did. We were all surprised when you _kept_ dating him.”  


“…everyone?”  


Snap nods. “Yep. And you’re besotted with him. Man, you keep telling everyone what you and he’ve been up to. You’re pretty much a married couple already.”

“Oh.”  


“What’s wrong?”  


“I… uh.” Poe rubs the back of his neck. “Keep this… keep this a secret?”  


“Poe, we all know.”  


“…you do?”  


“I’m your best friend, you idiot. Yeah, we all know.”  


“…and no one minds?”  


“Why the hell would we mind what you do - or don’t do - in bed? You’re our friend. Doesn’t matter what you’re into.”  


“Or not,” Poe adds, drily.   


“Or not. You… told him?”  


“No. I mean. I didn’t even know we were dating til he kissed me.” Poe is so blind it hurts him. How could he miss that? Was there a time you knew for certain? Was it a number of dates? Something else?  


“Well, he seems pretty much obsessed with you, and weirdly patient, too. Maybe he doesn’t, either. Maybe he likes just…” Snap waves his hands. “Kissing.”  


“Oh.”  


“Oh?”  


“I…” Poe bites his lip. “I kinda think… maybe?”  


“You _want_ to?” Then a hand claps his arm. “Awesome.”  


“What if he _doesn’t_?”  


“Then you don’t. You’re not gonna force him, are you?”  


“Force, no!”  


“Then you talk about it, and if you both wanna, then you do it. And if you like it, great. And if you don’t? What did you lose?”  


“…my dignity?”  


“Poe, buddy, if he loves you, you got no dignity left any more. Believe me. Just… do me a favour? If you do go ahead and… do it? Just give me two thumbs up, not the blow-by-blow.”  


“Edited highlights?”  


“…marks out of ten,” Snap compromises.  


“Deal,” Poe says, and punches his arm in return. “Thanks, buddy.”  


“Any time, Poe.”  


***

Poe doesn’t know how you broach the fact that you’re a virgin, and you don’t know if you even like sex, but you kind of maybe want to see if you do? Perhaps. Yes. Sort of. Soon? If that’s okay. 

They’ve kissed a lot more. Poe likes the kissing. He likes the feeling of Kylo’s hands in his hair, and he likes the little nibbles, and he likes the gentle words of encouragement against his jaw. Poe keeps wanting to tell him he loves him, but then he cowers away from it.

Is it okay to say that, when someone’s making your knees weak? Or… or cuddling you on the couch? Or…

It sort of pops out, one day, when they’re snuggling really closely on the couch and the holo ends.

“I think… I… kinda love you?” It comes out like a question.  


“I think maybe I love you, too. Just a little,” Kylo lightly snarks back.  


Poe grins, and bites him for that. “Ass.”

“You know it.”  


“I gotta… ask… uh…” Poe sits back, just to watch his face. “Are you going slow with me because you like to go slow, or for me, or because… because you’re happy like we are?”  


“For you, mostly. But also I like… slow. I… haven’t ‘dated’ people before, Poe. You couldn’t call what I did dating. And I wanted to do it right. Do it… nice. For a change.”  


“Well, I appreciate it,” Poe says, relaxing a little. “Because I’m really… really, really happy. But if you… if you want to go further… we could try?”  


“If you think you’re ready, then I’d love to.”  


Poe gulps. “I think so. If… I mean, if it doesn’t work out…?”

“Then we don’t continue, or do it again. But I’m not with you just for what we _could_  do, but what we **are** doing, Poe. I mean it: I like you. A lot. I care for you deeply, and I enjoy your company. And if what we are is this? Then it’s a this I’m happy with.”  


Which is precisely what Poe wants to hear, and he grabs Kylo’s face, and kisses him all over in a mad little flurry. “I do love you,” he says, again. “Whatever we are.”

***

They watch the next holo almost wrapped up together, as Poe gathers his confidence. He doesn’t want to just leap into bed and fuck it all up, nope. He wants to make sure this is as good as it can get. 

It does mean by the end of the holo that the fingers in his hair are torture, and he’s feeling an unfamiliar heaviness between his legs. Normally his arousal is automatic, with occasional, random boners. He’s never been touched to arousal before, and it’s nice. 

“Bed?” he asks.  


“Bed,” Kylo agrees.  


His bed is woefully ill-prepared, Poe thinks. He just sort of… well. He has some lotion and facial tissues, and that’s about it. He remembers the sex ex holos, but those were a long time ago. He’s pretty sure two guys often need… well. Tools? But not for everything. He does, at least, keep it clean and tidy. He walks to the foot of the bed, and then there’s two hands on his waist from behind, and a trail of kisses up his neck. Poe shudders, hands over Kylo’s, and he cautiously rubs back with his ass. He can’t feel much, but it makes Kylo’s breath hitch, so that’s nice. 

“You haven’t done this, have you?” Kylo asks, now their faces aren’t directed at one another.   


“…no. I mean. Alone? I have.”  


“Means I get to show you how good it can be,” Kylo says, a low thread of pleasure in his tone that makes Poe’s toes curl. “If it’s ever too much, too fast, I want you to either say so, or tap on my shoulder.”  


“…okay.”  


“I mean that. We can slow down, speed up, slow down… it’s all about what feels good for you.”  


Poe is glad Kylo knows what they’re doing. It makes him feel a lot better about this. He nods, and then he’s turned by Kylo’s hands. There’s kissing, and fingers working his shirt undone. Poe’s skin is melting in hunger as his boyfriend lets the chill air on his skin. Fingers that carry on walking, and Poe tugs at Kylo’s hair. He smiles as Kylo kisses at his shoulders, and lower, lower, to his stomach. It’s sort of tickly there, and he giggles.

“Good to know you’re human,” Kylo smirks.  


“Hey, I always was.”  


Poe is pushed onto his ass on the bed with a _whoomfh_ and he catches his weight on his wrists, behind him. Kylo continues to kiss and caress, and he looks momentarily worried.

“What is it?”  


“…shouldn’t I, uh, too?”  


“You don’t have to do everything at the same time,” Kylo tells him. “And I’m enjoying pleasing you, plenty.”  


“…so you’re not… feeling disappointed?”  


“Poe. You are ridiculously gorgeous. And I happen to have feelings for you. And I happen to like seeing you happy. Why would I be disappointed, right now?”  


“…point.” Pause. “Continue?”  


“Yes, _Commander_.”   


Poe is still laughing when Kylo starts working his pants and boxers off. That’s why he’s happy, he thinks. Kylo gets him, and cares, and he likes his company. They hit it off. Maybe not blow-up-the-Deathstar fast, but they have the same payload in slow burn. He just really likes this man, and that means he feels comfortable being vulnerable in front of him. Like now.

He’s been naked in front of other pilots, who hasn’t? You soon learn to no longer have a sense of personal space around them. But there’s a difference between dog-tired, post-flight naked in the shower and… this. For one, he’s turned on. He’s pleased to see how high his cock springs when the clothes are removed, and also watches Kylo’s face to see if it’s up to scratch or not. Kylo doesn’t look disappointed, because he goes straight to running the edge of his long nose over it, and that feels - wow. It feels good. It feels good, not being his own hand. Hot breath follows it, and Poe feels his balls getting heavier.

“Okay, so far?” Kylo asks.  


“Oh, _Force,_ yes!” Poe enthuses.  


“May I use my mouth on you?”  


“ **Please do** ,” he replies.  


Kylo kisses it. Like. Okay. Kisses. Which are soft, gentle, barely there. Poe wriggles, and two hands hold his hips down. There’s a mumbled _patience_ , and then there’s licking. Slow, laborious swipes of his tongue from root to tip, and Poe is not sure any of his fantasies even came close to that. He lets out a low, keening noise as Kylo’s beautiful lips wrap around the head. Dark hair curtains his face on either side, and Poe pushes it back to watch the weird stretch of Kylo’s mouth around his dick. 

And that is even hotter. Like. Seriously. Poe gurgles out a noise as he’s suckled fiercely, and he taps at Kylo’s shoulder, furiously.

Kylo stops at once, kneeling back and looking up. “You okay?”

“You keep being that - that - I won’t last long!”  


“Do you want to?”  


“I don’t know!” Poe confesses. “But I sort of… I need to know how to make you feel good, too.”  


“Would you like to touch me with your hand, or your mouth?” Kylo asks.   


“Uh… hand? I… hand.”  


Kylo nods, and strips himself. Poe sort of wishes he’d done that, but he was too slow. Okay. Fine. He watches with pleasure anyway as Kylo kicks off his clothes, and pushes his own away, too. Then he climbs onto the bed, high up, near the pillows. Poe doesn’t need telling, scrambling up to lie side by side with him. 

“Can I?” he asks, and waits for the nod before his fingers go out to touch.   


Kylo is a latticework of old scars, faded marks, and darker beauty spots that wander over his pale skin. Poe revels in the new information, first, before his hand goes lower. Kylo’s cock is maybe a bit thinner than his, but that could also be the illusion of the length. It’s darker than the rest of his uncovered skin, but that could be the flush of blood there, currently. Poe wraps his hand around it and hears a hiss. He looks up to Kylo’s eyes closed in bliss, and he starts to stroke it like he would his own. It’s weirdly easier than he imagined, and Kylo seems to enjoy it.

“Like that?”  


“Y-yes. And… h-harder is okay, too.”  


Poe obliges, his fist going firmer, his strokes fiercer. Kylo grabs him by the back of the neck, and then they’re kissing at the same time. Poe can no longer watch his hand over that length, but it still feels great to touch him. Their foreheads stay pressed together, then there’s a hand between his legs, too.

“Want… want to come like this?” Kylo asks him.  


“Y-yeah. Yeah. I… if you do, I…”  


“Just wanna make you feel good,” Kylo insists.  


“Y-you really _aaaaare_ ,” Poe replies.   


And he is. The sensation of someone else’s movements and will bringing his arousal higher is just perfect. Better, because it’s Kylo, and because he’s stroking him in sync. He feels the hot breath against his face, and moans in pleasure. The sensation builds deeper, lower, and he knows the climax is going to be a hard one. Rough, and savage, and loving. He grabs hold of the back of Kylo’s head, mirroring his gesture, and they’re lying side-by-side and their wrists cross and brush as they work. 

Maybe not how he saw his virginity being taken, but it feels so good he doesn’t care. Actually, he realises he had _no_ idea how it would be taken, but he’s still sure it feels perfect. He starts to pant when he can’t focus any longer, and there’s kisses over his face again.

“Come for me, Poe. Come for me. I love you.”  


The confession - heartfelt, aroused, caring - is enough to tip him over the edge. With a vocal cry of bliss, he’s spurting between Kylo’s big fingers. Spurting, and bucking, and his hand moves awkwardly to keep bringing his partner off, too. 

“Love you,” he whispers, and as his own pleasure slowly abates he throws his energy into getting Kylo off, right after him.  


There’s a grunt, against his neck, and then the familiar sensation of spilt seed over his hand and wrist. He keeps stroking until Kylo gently stops him, and pushes in for another kiss.

And another. And a few more. His belly is drying under the sticky goop, and his head is nicely swimming. He feels a bone-deep satisfaction, a pleasure that just fills him from the inside out. A craving for closeness, and a sense of… right. He nuzzles at Kylo’s cheek.

“You like that?” his boyfriend asks.  


“I think I need to do it… several more times. You know. To make sure.”  


“For science.”  


“For science,” Poe agrees.  And then, after a pause, he kisses the side of his mouth. “ _Thank you_.”  


“Thank **you** ,” Kylo argues. “You were incredible. I mean it. I’ve never… it’s never felt so good. After, I mean. This bit normally used to suck.”  


“Yeah, well. I can also learn that,” he suggests. “…if you give me time to get used to it.” Maybe not the best way to lewdly offer blowjobs, but he thinks his first night he gets a free pass on being an idiot after he comes.  


“We have all the time in the world.” Kylo makes it sound like a threat and a promise in one.  


Poe can’t wait. 


End file.
